I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
