sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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