So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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