i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Houston, we have a squirter
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i now understand why vodka
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
