Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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