Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
