Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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