so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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