and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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