Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
