If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
