carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
