Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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