And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
