This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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