Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
