it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
