Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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