I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize