I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize