bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
