he wants to bone in the snuggie
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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