I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize