bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
