OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
