my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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