I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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