then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
