i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
