i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
