my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
