I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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