Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He better not be in your backpack
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
