epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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