your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The beer is more important than you right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
