Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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