I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
