Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
