My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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