I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Screwed.edu
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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