HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
