woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
