Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
