I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
