That's intense
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize