i may or may not be watching the land before time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
