Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
