i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
