i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
