I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
