I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
