yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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