So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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