I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
