While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
