my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize