Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
