We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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