No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
