he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You don't make any sense
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