Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I accidentally burped into my bong.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
