This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
