There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
