what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
