i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
