I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You made out with two different species that night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
