I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
