Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
