M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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