I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
