Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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