and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
