I puked a lego.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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